The dread kid's birthday party

Disclaimer - I must preface this with the fact that I adore all of the kids and parents involved in this party.

Now, let's get down to business...

Indoor bounce houses... why are you a thing? You smell like old sweaty feet, you are loud, screechy, hot and overcrowded. Your employees are overwhelmed/overworked/underpaid and your facilities are always in the sketchiest of places. Like "Welcome to back alley massacre acres!!!"... It's just...why are you a thing?

I understand your need. Truly, I do. More than you will ever know, but can't you get your act together? Please? If you're going to be indoor exercise and in a back alley industrial park - I have some suggestions.

1. Ventilation. For the love of all things, get some industrial ventilation. I gag with the old sweaty sock smell. Gag.
2. Let's drop the cracked out clown motif, shall we? Please. It's the stuff of nightmares. Primary colors are great. Streamers are great. Clowns are just adding fuel to the back alley massacre acres genre. Seriously, guys. Nightmares.
3. If you plan to do revolving birthday parties (smart business move), have the good sense to have an actual event coordinator. I promise it will increase your traffic flow and decrease your hate blogs. Organization on a schedule is a beautiful thing.
4. I'd recommend a real parking lot. Maybe with more than one or two lights in it, too. Also, maybe some grounds keepers to help clean up after last nights massacre party. There were two empty liquor bottles in front of my parking space. Now if that was from an employee - never mind. I get it. Just maybe provide some recycling bins...
5. Hire people specifically for cleaning those giant things. When WAS the last time they got a legit scrub down by a professional instead of a teenager who just wants to go home asap? C'mon - we're all thinking it.

Now, you did a couple of things right. Your still enthusiastic (somehow) employees did work very hard to make sure everyone was safe and there WAS a massage chair in each room (no ATM...) so well done, there guys. Please don't give up. Please.

I'm guessing the new indoor trampoline place and the new indoor rock climbing place are eating away at your business, but if you want to survive - don't give up.

I'm glad we had this talk. Now I'm going to go take the hottest shower I can stand. Peace.