Help me Google....

What were you doing at 7 am this morning? I was googling how to get an entire bottle of baby lotion off new laminate flooring...

If you can say that you have ever googled something like that, I'm deeply sorry and you have my sympathies. At no point did I ever think that I would say the sentences I have uttered, google the weird questions I've encountered or experienced any of the straight up freakishness that embodies my children. The very ones that just a few short years ago I held in my arms for the very first time. You see all those sweet sweet pictures of babies in arms...not once did you picture nearly sliding to your death on the latest booby trap set by your precious children, did you? Me either.

Now, I work with toddlers a couple of times a week and I've grown accustomed to the judgmental stares from them as I make some noise/face/action to get the newest classmate to stop crying and adjust to a new experience. Toddlers cannot hide their judgement, tho to be honest - I doubt they would if they could. Seriously, I don't have to take that from someone who squeals and loses their minds over spheres of soapy water floating in the air. Know what I mean? Yeah you do... Their judgement pales to that of my own children as I nearly lost my life (and to a lesser extent, my backside) as I skittered across the floor of their room trying to figure out what dimension I just walked into or if there were secret cameras somewhere. Nope, just your average day with my children...

Were you also aware that about a half bottle could be spread over the entirety of a standard floor rug? It's possible. I promise. Fear not, said rug was permanently removed and I spent a solid hour de-icing the floor, removing anything else they might use against me or the flooring. I'm sure I didn't get everything, but then they are creative little mad scientists.

Pray for me, people. Seriously. They're only 2.5 and 4... What am I going to do by the time they're preteens or teens?

Oh and in case you wondered, the best way to clean that up is paper towels, swiffer wet jet with the laminate flooring solution, baby wipes, swiffer wet jet, baby wipes, and finally swiffer wet jet again. Just tuck that into the back of your brain if you have small ones or are considering them in the future.

What did parents do before google?! Sheesh....

Big beds, bad ideas

Well, last night was my 2.5 year old's first night in a big girl bed. I sweetened the deal for her to actually STAY in it by stringing glow sticks on the metal headboard. Last night went soooooooooooo much better than I could ever have hoped.

Then came morning.

Did you know that the WORST alarm clock might be two angry girls screeching at each other WAY before time to get up?

Did you know that pulling wet pull-ups out of the diaper pail and throwing them at each other and anywhere else in the room is a new game?

Can you imagine how gross that makes a room smell? (I don't know if you can truly imagine...)

After rearranging the room, scrubbing...everything, and getting us all ready - we ran some errands in the rain. Littles love puddles. Invest in good rain boots for you. I opted for silver glitter rain boots - because GLITTER. Your comfort level and your pants will thank you.

By nap time, both girls were waning - until nap time. They spent 3 hours losing their minds and running amok in their room. They crashed an hour before they're supposed to wake up. I enjoyed an evening of grumpy girls, laundry, dishes, tuckered out hubs and taking out the trash.

Now I'm writing to you while squealing and giggling occurs in the big girl bed room. Surely they'll tire out soon. Right? Please?

Momma needs a nap.

What's your weirdest kid wake up event?